Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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