We're like a lot better than the average bears
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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