Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Randomize
