I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I look better un-naked...
Barsexuality is the new black.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
pray to the hookup gods
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
