She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
She needs sedatives and a leash
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
