Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
