Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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