When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
