fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize