He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
