If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Randomize
