I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
