my soul wont recognize me after tonight
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize