She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
