I will die if light touches me.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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