when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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