his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
