He had one of those small greek statue penises
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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