Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
