he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize