Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
