I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
