There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
