She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
