brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
