low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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