do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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