Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
