GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
You can't just leave with hair like that
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Randomize
