it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
