omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
