it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
