im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
