I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
