So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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