You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I'm both gender and math confused
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
