Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
