i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
