I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
