fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
This is my gift to your gina
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
