This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
