I have demons in me.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
accomplished twins. life is a go
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize