Pappa wants mamma naked
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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