After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
