My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
They have beer where we have blood.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
