can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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