You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Randomize