Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
