There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
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