How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
