Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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