we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
