She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
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