I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize