??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Randomize
