Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
