So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
and you fell through a lawn chair
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
