goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
