What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
