nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
