NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
my being single is dangerous.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
