brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
