A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
