I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
