I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
