i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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