Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
