He disabled his match.com account in front of me
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
