when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
