I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I am naked and annoyed.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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