Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Randomize
