please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
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