I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
