By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
