sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
We need to rekindle our bromance
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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