my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
