yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
she pinky promised me she was 18
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
