She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
