Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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