Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Randomize
