I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
