I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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