I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Let's paint friendship bongs
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
