I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
