did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
