she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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