Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Randomize
