Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize