Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Randomize
