i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
