I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
