She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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