I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
