life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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