i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
