Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
