I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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