New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
it's like heaven, but drunker
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
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