If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Randomize