Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
