what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
