Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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