I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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