Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize